Connecting Hearts with the Forgotten Conference

Check out this wonderful adoption and orphan care conference for FREE!

Connecting Hearts with the Forgotten exists to help people capture the heart of God for the fatherless in our own backyard and across the world. You will find resources for fostering, adoption, post-adoption and orphan care.

Bethany Fellowship of Churches' own Daniel Bennett and Jerry Sanderson will be participating!

Date: Saturday, February 25, 2012

Time: 8:30am - 2:30pm

Place: East White Oak Bible Church, 11922 E 2000 North Rd., Carlock, IL

This conference is hosted by several Bloomington-Normal churches.

Check out the website at: http://www.connectingheartsconference.org/

Resources

Christian Alliance for Orphans has a great site to check out for resources concerning adoption and fostering. Below is the link:

http://christianalliancefororphans.org/resources/resource-library

The Open Hearts, Open Homes Ministry does not recommend all the resources on this site, but there are many that you may find helpful. We encourage you to use discernment as you look through the list.

When Gotcha Day Isn't a Dream Come True

Gotcha Day, the moment every adopting mom longs for when the child you have been dreaming of, praying for, and aching to hold gets placed in your arms. Forever. That moment, you assure yourself, will make the months of paperwork and the thousands of dollars worth the sacrifice.

Realistically you know the actual moment may not go the way you dream, but a mom can hope, right?

On our gotcha day, I was handed a scared 2 1/2 year old who wanted anything but a new mommy, especially one with blond hair, blue eyes and who spoke no Chinese. She cried hard, desperate for her foster momma, and eventually cried herself to sleep in my arms.

The days that followed were more of the same. While my husband made progress with Suhn, she continued to reject me. She would laugh with her daddy but if I attempted to join in, the wall would go up and the light would leave her eyes.

Logically I could understand her resistance. Through my reading and conversations with other adoptive moms I knew I was not alone, but rejection hurts, even when it is not personal. I wish I could say I only responded with patience and love, but instead my own wall started to go up.

The weeks and months that followed were hard. When we returned home our daughter warmed up to me, but the wall I had started to build did not evaporate overnight. I learned firsthand that attachment and bonding are processes that take time.

During our first dark week in China, a friend and fellow adoptive mom left a comment on my blog that has stuck with me, “In the darkest moments I once in a while remember that I would still do this all over because it is right.” I cannot tell you how many times I reminded myself of this truth during our first months with Suhn. When I didn’t feel love for my daughter and wondered if our relationship would ever be normal, remembering that adopting her was right helped me through. My feelings could not be trusted, but God could. He had called us to Suhn. Regardless of how I felt, I was 100% committed. She was my daughter.

Little by little, the walls came down and the love I pretended at some days became real. I cannot put into words how blessed I am to parent Suhn. You hear about the “miracle of adoption,” and it’s true. Adoption is miraculous and allows humans to experience a piece of God’s love like nothing else.

But it is also hard, and messy and gut-wrenching. If you experience the hard-side of adoption, know you are not alone. Show yourself grace, look for moms who have been there, and lean into the arms of God.

He understands. After all, He is an adoptive parent too.

This article taken from http://www.momlifetoday.com/2010/11/when-gotcha-day-isn%e2%80%99t-a-dream-come-true/

Family Life: Mom Life Today - Check our this site for more great articles related to National Adoption Awareness Month

Call for Focused Fellowship Tonight!

Open Hearts, Open Homes Moms!

We have had a request for some needed Focused Fellowship so...


Consider joining us tonight, April 6 at 6:30pm at the North Knoxville Ave. Panera's to give and receive encouragement to other moms on this crazy journey of fostering and/or adoption!


We'd love to see you all!

Sorry for the last minute decision, but sometimes we have to seize the day!

Connecting Hearts Conference- Feb. 20, 2010

Here is a link to a conference in the Bloomington/Normal area. A few of us attended this conference last year and found it to be interesting. I am doing some checking and will post more later but last year it was especially helpful for those in the earlier stages of adoption.

Check it out! http://www.connectingheartsconference.org/

Words of Encouragement

We know that there are some that read this blog that pray for the families involved in this ministry, some of you are one of those families, and still some just are interested in what the Lord is doing in people's hearts towards the orphan. With permission we share excerpts from a note we recently received. May these words encourage you no matter where you are on this journey.


We cannot ever thank you enough for all of your hard work to encourage us, teach us, support us and help us to adopt our children. It has now been 1 year and 7 months as a family and the children are growing incredibly.

Here is an example of why an adoption ministry is so important: Our children are so very excited to learn about Dios (God) everyday. They are coming to understand how our sin is a serious problem and how God has provided a remedy for our sins through the Lord Jesus Christ. They know that we must be washed clean through trusting Jesus Christ as our substitute and Savior as He was the only one to live and obey perfectly. It is truly remarkable to see our 3, 5 and 7 year children on the journey towards their upcoming second adoption: their adoption by God the Father so they can become children of God through rebirth in their souls.

Truly, we can never, ever express how grateful we are for your partnership and for an incredible church that comes alongside families to give orphans a hope and a future - not just now but for all eternity.

That adoption loan combined with the incredible blessing of the matching grant funds and the creation of the Bethany adoption expense account not only provided for the adoption of our children but has also eased the financial burden and frees us as we plan to initiate the adoption process of three more little Colombian Armstrongs. Without all of the OHOH assistance, a second adoption would be much less likely as the burden would have been much too great.

Thank you to all who pray for the families that are pursuing adoption or foster care and those that support them financially and through your words of encouragement. Lives are being changed for eternity because of your care.

Top 10 Questions Adopted Children Ask Parents

1. Do you love me as much as you would a biological child?

2. Did my birthparents love me?

3. How am I like my birth family?

4. How did I grow in your heart?

5. Will you always love me?

6. Can I learn more about my birth country?

7. Is adoption forever?

8. Who else is adopted like me? (It's good to introduce adopted children to other adoptees.)

9. Will you show me pictures and tell me about my adoption experience?

10.Do you think I will adopt my children someday?

As you can see, adopted children have an added dynamic to work through in order to develop a healthy identity. Open communication and lots of love and encouragement are needed in order to facilitate healthy growth. Celebrate family in order to nourish and foster security and emotional development.

This list was originally posted on a tip sheet for social workers written by Stacie Cahill, MSW. I thought they would be good questions to think about. Hopefully these questions you will be answering throughout the child's life.

Bringing Home Your Child

“For this child I have prayed and God has granted me what I asked of Him.” I Samuel 1:27

It is such an exciting time when you bring a child home. You are so ready to have the waiting over. If you have other children at home they are ready to have a real body with the name they have heard over and over. You have readied your hearts; you most likely have readied a room, and had a great time shopping for special items for this new child of yours. You have prayed for this child and dreamed of their future. Your preparation has been careful and loving. You are ready!

As you embark on the journey to pick up the child, whether from a foreign country or the local social services office there are some things to consider as you bring a child home. One of the most important things to consider is that while you feel very prepared for this next step this may be totally a new thought to your child.

The following are some helpful suggestions to consider before you do your pick-up trip.

1. When you pick up the child ask as many questions as possible about their routine. This will help you to know what is “normal” to them. If you are able to bring an object such as a blanket, stuffed animal, etc. from their previous home this will help to have some thing that is familiar. In a fostering situation if you have an opportunity to speak with a willing birthparent about this it will also help them to know that you care about their child. Visiting the orphanage a child has been living at would allow you to see how life is handled through the day.

2. Take a good look at your commitments beforehand. Because of the pace we tend to live at in all likelihood some thing or some things will need to be scaled back. While you are used to the busy pace a child trying to get used to a new family, home, food, smells and perhaps a new language will possibly find it downright scary.

3. Stay close to home. For an extended period of time it would be reassuring to the child to stay home. Give them time to explore, get comfortable, learn what is expected of them, and get in their routine. Even a very young child is comforted by routine and an older child will need time to adjust to a new routine. You may expect some things of
them that they have never heard of before. Staying home also help will help you and the child to work on bonding without them being overloaded with more newness.

4. Keep life simple. This is probably not a good time to host a party. Have family over a little at a time so as not to overwhelm your new family member.

5. Remember you are the parent. While everyone will want to hold and cuddle a younger child that child needs to know who to go to when they have needs to be met. Whether it be cuddling, food, or comfort that person needs to be you and your spouse. This doesn’t mean another child in your home can never hold them but overall you need to be the person on the frontline. Remember a child that is used to many different caregivers isn’t necessarily going to seem to mind being passed around so they need to learn who the go-to-guy is. (That’s you - the parent!). An example of this is: the new child is playing out back with an older child
and skins his knee – the older child brings the child to you to be comforted.

An additional thought to consider is that being used to being passed around is not necessarily an issue of attachment, but is just what normally occurred where they came from. It will take them a while to understand that their needs, both physically and emotionally, are going to be met by someone specific.

6. Be consistent. Find the routine and keep it as much as possible. Consistency for a child that comes from an orphanage is familiar. Consistency for a child that has come from a chaotic situation is comforting as well.

7. Expect some developmental delays. When a child comes into foster care they may have some delays that were brought on by their environment, working with them at home may bring some quick changes in those areas. A child from an orphanage is often delayed as well, sometimes due to the lack of stimulation or just opportunity. Don’t get overly anxious at first; give the child some time to adjust. In our area Easter Seals is a great place for a developmental screening, if they are over the age of three the local school district does the screening. There are many services available for children in our area that are a great help to families if they are needed.

8. Socially a child may seem behind in how they relate to others or how they emotionally respond to situations. Often children don’t understand how something is supposed to be done because they have never seen it done before. For example perhaps a child lacks table manners – but maybe they never ate at a family-type table before. Or a child may have had a very limited number of toys before so playing with them is something new not to mention sharing them.

Again these are some things to consider as you bring your child home, I know there are other things as well. It is good to remember that everyone is adapting – parents, new child, new siblings and so it takes time to find a new normal for your family.

Lastly, for some people instant feelings don’t always come. Don’t be too hard on yourself if that is how you feel. Show yourself some grace in that area and give yourself time to get to know your new little one and them to get to know you. Those feelings will come as you come together to be the family that the Lord has knit together.

Note: Michelle Gardner has written a very good book about life after the homecoming entitled, After the Dream Comes True.